Single and Sex....the conversation continues

 There has been quite the conversation going on lately in the blogger world.  A conversation about being a single Mormon woman and premarital sex.  The conversation started when this article was posted in the New York Times.  And then C. Jane of C. Jane Enjoy It got on the band wagon and posted her thoughts here.  And then there was perhaps my favorite response here. 

After reading Ms. Hardy's article I felt sad, sad for her that she didn't seem to get it.  She couldn't see the big picture that Ms. Dyer could see.  We are daughters of God.  We are not defined by a man's touch or by the fact that we are married or not.  There may be some of you out there that would say I just don't know.  I don't know what it's like to be a single woman in the LDS church.  And you're right, I don't.  But I do know that I didn't get married so that I can have sex which is what C. Jane purports is the cultural norm of our religion.

She writes, "The lie wasn't being fed to me in the doctrines of Mormonism. This was a cultural deception, full attack on all sides. It told me sex was all there was and if it came with a price--a bad marriage stuffed into a small apartment--it was worth the cost. It told me that no man would care about intelligence when there was a warm body to touch. It told me that a woman was only as good as her successful husband and children. I was disillusioned--in attempting "the dream," I discovered the tragedy."

My dream was and is to spend my life with a good companion.  Someone to talk to, share with, laugh with and yes, love with. And I'm pretty sure that was the reason that my husband wanted to marry me.  It wasn't for the warm body (or was it? wink, wink) That is a benefit to be sure. But I'd like to think that intelligence had something to do with it. The last I heard the motto at BYU was Enter to Learn.....Go forth to Serve.  NOT Enter to Marry....Go forth have sex.   I suspect that most men want to marry someone that is bright and intelligent.

Ms. Hardy suggests in her New York Times article that the reason so many Mormons get married young is because they can't wait to have sex. Surely this isn't the case.  I hope not. I believe the reason that many people get married young (early 20s) in the LDS church is because there is a strong sense of family.

In the face of all this I have been thinking of my girls and wondering what their perceptions are.  I want them to know that they are first and foremost a Daughter of God, heirs to all He has.  I believe in teaching young women (and young men) about temple marriage.  I also want to teach that they are more than a temple marriage. I hope that all teenage girls have a self-esteem that is strong enough to withstand a potential break-up of a marriage.  Or what if marriage does not happen for them?  Will they have a strong enough sense of who they are that they won't feel defined by whether they have been married in the temple or not?  I want them to want a temple marriage. But not wallow in it if it doesn't happen for them right away.  I want them to live life and become the best person that they can be.  Amen.