Today is one of those days where I feel like a complete failure as a mother. Where do you find the balance between teaching life lessons and living life to the fullest? I have a daughter who is turning 12 on Thursday. This is a joyous time. It's a monumental birthday. It's like crossing the threshold into teenage-hood (is that a word). She will be entering the young women's program at church which is full of fun and activities and invaluable lessons as well. I want to celebrate this birthday. We've been planning this birthday party for months ever since we found out that the Percy Jackson movie was coming out the day after. Well, this past weekend I almost put an end to the festivities. She was acting like a pre-teen can and had an attitude with her sister, dad and me. After her tantrum was over I told her she needed to apologize to her sister, me and her dad. And until she had, I wasn't going to do any more planning for her birthday. You see, this young daughter of mine has a hard time with saying she's sorry. Saying she is sorry would have to mean that she is not perfect. And that's a difficult thing for her. I talked to her about it and told her that I know it's hard for her but that its an important enough lesson to learn that I was sticking to it. That was on Sunday. She still hasn't apologized. When I talked to her about it this morning she said she didn't feel like she needed to apologize to her sister and told me why.
Today I needed to talk to her about her schoolwork just like i do every day. We go over what is due for the next day and what was assigned that day. She hates these conversations. She has told me that she feels I don't trust her and that is why I am asking her. I explained to her that it has nothing to do with not trusting her. It is so I will know what is going on in her life so that I can help her and be aware of what she has going on. I've explained this to her several times. Today when I asked her about her homework she again started making sarcastic comments. I told her to leave my room and that I was done talking to her about her homework. I could have had more patience. yep, i know this. I really don't feel like having a party for her. I feel like she would not appreciate it at all. I feel like she has been disrespectful of her parents and siblings and shown an unwillingness to work on things at school that she has been not doing well on.
There is that hand of the equation. Then there is the part that when I need her to do something for me, she does it. When I need someone to tickle by back and cuddle with me, she is the one I know I can call. She is the one that gets up on her own each morning without being woken up by me.
So what do I do? Am i overreacting by cancelling the party? There is the bit about her not apologizing yet. Am i being too strict by cancelling her birthday party over something like that? I just don't know.
5 comments:
My mom would have done the same thing.
darilyn, that is tough. sorry you are experiencing this! i know it would be sad for her to not have a party, but i feel like i would do the same thing in your situation. it is a teaching moment. you told her what was required of her in order for you to plan the party. if she doesn't do what is required then she doesn't get the party! as parents we need to follow through or our kids won't respect us! it is our responsibility to teach our children, while they are still home, the important qualities that will help them in life. when she gets into the "real world" others will not be as patient, tolerant, or loving as her family is.
that's just what i think....
good luck!
Yep, I whole heartedly agree with "mahina". Couldn't have said it better myself. You have to realize you are not canceling the party - she is making a choice not to do what needs to be done to have the party. Until this happens it is not "CANCELED" - far too harsh a word - it is simply postponed! I hope this helps YOU feel better. A mean mom would cancel a party - a caring mom would simply postpone it. We can have our cake and eat it too. (Or does this not work because of Percy whatever? In that case the party will of course maybe not be the same, but it will still be great.)
I think Quinn and Mahina are right. It will be hard to do but, you can do hard things. Good luck!
Yep. Especially if Barbara would have done the same thing!
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