Merilee

 

Merilee and I at the Pendleton Round-Up, Sept. 2010

I believe in a pre-existence. It's a comforting thought, knowing that we came from somewhere before we entered this life here on Earth.  I guess I like the idea of us sitting around at our Father in Heaven's feet, arms linked or holding hands and listening to stories of how the Earth would be created.  Can't you picture our faces when these stories are told?  Eyes aglow with the wonder of it all.  And then we find out that we get to be a part of His amazing plan!  With the announcement that we would all get a chance to go to Earth and the ensuing Joy, there had to have been a touch of sadness as we realized that we would be separated from some of those that were dearest to us.  But then, we made a pact, a pinkie linky, handshaking, bear-hugging pact that we would find each other some day. 

Do you believe in such things?

In a post from several years ago titled, How To Find Me, I wrote of how I had been very sad at one point in my life due to a friendship that for reasons unknown to me (and still unknown) had left. I like to put it that way, "left" because that's what it did. It just walked out the door leaving me hurt and feeling betrayed.  Shortly after that occured I became good friends with Merilee.  I don't mention her in my "How To Find Me" by name, but she is the "someone" that Heavenly Father sent. 

I believe in the timing of our blessings given to us. I don't believe in luck or fate.  I know that Merilee and I made a pinkie linky, handshaking, bear-hugging pact in the pre-existence.  And we kept that promise. Or, really, Heavenly Father kept that promise.  And it was a promise he kept in His time.  He didn't send us to the same family because we needed to be taught different things, you see.  She was born into a large family in the dry desert of Arizona while I was born into a small family in a coastal town of Oregon.  I would be the oldest, her a middle child.  And the experiences we had while growing up would cement our friendship years later when we finally met.

Over the past seven years we have talked or seen each other nearly every day. 
We have run our errands together,
"Hey, I need to go to the grocery store, do you need to go?"  "Okay." 

We've gone on trips together.
"Let's go see Chelle in Vermont and also go to Salem, Mass so I can cross something off my 50 Things List.  "Okay."

We've gone to lunch
"I'm hungry. You want to go to the South Store?"
"Of course."

"I need to go out of town, Ben is going to die."
"I'm sorry, what do you need?"

And then, a couple of months ago Merilee found out that she and her family were moving to California due to a job transfer.

And now she is gone.

My life will not be the same, that is for sure.  And it's a hard thing for me. I'm grateful for Christmas because it hasn't left me a lot of time to realize she is not here in the same city.  But I know that when school starts and everyone is getting back into their routines, that I will have to find a new routine.  And that's not necessarily a bad thing, i know that.  I've had 7 incredible years of spending my time with my best friend.  And now I can start cleaning my house!  Merilee has helped me understand myself better and my children better.  I don't ever get impatient with her even though at times we see things very differently.  It's a good lesson for me.  I can tell her anything and know that it will safe with her.

Just like in the pre-existence, I know that our friendship isn't ending with this separation.  We will talk on the phone, text (you learn how to do this when you have a teenager) and see each other.  We won't see each other as often as we'd like, but it will be okay.  And I truly am excited to see what great things are in store for their family in California.  Because I know that they have a purpose there. Just like I know the purpose of their moving to Oregon from Arizona.  Her husband may think it was for work....

But I know different.

Ramona + Beezus = trip to Grant Park

 

Today we rented Ramona and Beezus to watch.  But, before we watched it we just had to take a field trip to see the Beverly Cleary statues at Grant Park in Portland.  There were only a few statues but they were great to see.  Beverly Cleary, a well-known children's author is best known for her books starring a free-spirited girl named Ramona.  I read all of her books when I was in elementary school and loved that it mentioned Portland in them.  Beverly Cleary was born in McMinnville, Oregon and moved to Portland when she was in the 3rd grade.  Grant Park is mentioned in several of her books and which is why in later years a statue garden was erected in honor of Ms. Cleary and her beloved characters.  If you have children that enjoy Beverly Cleary's books, then take them to Grant Park and let them get a picture with Ribsy!

 

I love you, Ramona!

Makenzie and Henry, Don't they make a cute couple?

Chris playing fetch with Ribsy. I wonder how long it will take Ribsy to get that stick.

Everyone wants their picture taken with Ribsy!

Talkin' about Spring - Makenzie's dance recital

Earlier this year Makenzie had a dance recital.  I had my friend, Merilee, take pictures with her good camera because it is just so incredibly hard to get a decent picture with them moving all over the place.  I mean, sheesh, can't they just dance standing still?  So she took some pictures and in typical darilyn fashion I just got around to getting those pictures from her a couple of weeks ago.  It basically came down to the fact that I had to get them because Merilee was moving.  More on that topic later.  Anyway, here are some pictures, which are so beautiful and amazing and breathtaking of our oldest daughter at her spring dance recital.

Christmas Eve, Peacock Style

Christmas Eve was different this year.  In the past we have always gone to Chris' parent's house where we have a nice dinner, stand around the wood stove, open some gifts, and then throw wrapping paper at each other.  The throwing paper thing is a tradition in Chris' family. I don't really participate too much in the throwing part myself but my kids think it's the best tradition ever.  So for Christmas Eve we went to see the lights on Peacock Lane.  I had heard mixed reviews of this, so here is mine.  GO.  It's that simple.  And definitely walk it.  If you drive it you will miss out on the small details that the owners put into the lights.  Like the mistletoe that hangs from one of the arches.  My honey and I didn't take advantage of that opportunity but many folks did and I thought it was lovely.  And if you walk you can buy a cup of hot chocolate from the small booth that is run by the homeowners.  The money all goes to charity, not their electric bills. So tip them generously, they will thank you.  It was a cold evening but it isn't a long street and the cold weather made it feel even more like Christmas.  And although there was no paper throwing involved in our Christmas Eve this year, we all had an enjoyable time and decided it was worth doing again. So next year take a trip on over to Peacock Lane, you'll be happy you did.

Car Caddy

I made this.  All by myself.  Do I sound like I'm 9 years-old?  I kind of feel like it.  As my mom and sister can attest to, i'm not the world's best seamstress.  I can't for the life of me read and understand a pattern. But I've discovered tutorials on the internet!  And now my sewing machine is getting used by someone other than my mom when she visits.

When I saw this car caddy I knew I had to try and make one.  My nephew is two and loves matchbox cars.  I am very pleased with how it turned out and didn't take me very long to make it.  Here Heidi is holding it because she is the one that drew my nephew's name for Christmas.  She has been asking me if she can wrap it all weekend and I keep telling her I have to get a picture of it first.  I hope he likes it! 

2010 Christmas Sing-Along

Last Christmas as I heard Makenzie playing the Forgotten Carols on the piano I got the idea of having an evening in our home where we could invite friends and listen and sing along to The Forgotten Carols.  My friend thought this was a great idea and enouraged me to do it.  I didn't do it.  This year, my friend is moving.  And I couldn't imagine her and her family not being at my Christmas sing-along so I made a decision to do it this year.

Oh, the torture of deciding who to invite.  I love way too many people to have to make such decisions. In the end I knew I had invited too many people for our small space but decided it would just "have to work." And i'm happy to say it did. 

My original thought of doing all Forgotten Carols went by the wayside as I thought it would be more fun to hear from a representative of each family.  I mean, I couldn't have my friend Brenda "in the house" and not hear her sing and play her guitar. It's like one of my all-time favorite pastimes, hearing her sing. Did you know she has her own album? yep, it's true.  So we had a smattering of Christmas songs on a trumpet, a flute, guitar, piano and even had a whistler (Thanks Mike).  And in-between each act we sang Christmas carols chosen from a hand-made songbook that I made for the occasion.

What a lovely evening.  When it was all over and everyone had gone home we decided that it was too fun to not do again.  We will repeat this again next year and invite another whole set of friends.  I mean, there are just too many people to share the holiday spirit with!

She can dance

This morning I read an article about a husband and wife that were severely burned when their helicopter rolled and the gas tank exploded in  a remote area in Nevada.  The husband walked for 11 miles in his severely burned state and in his socks to find a family that was camping to help them.  This happened in September.  The wife is still at the Maricopa burn center in Arizona. 

Reading stories like this tends to put your life in perspective.  Each day, this couple's children are praying that their mom survives. Instead of iPods and the latest Wii game, they are hoping this Christmas for their mom to live.  Life, what a precious gift it is.  Something that we take too much for granted. 

On my mind lately has been some trials that I know we are going to face in this upcoming year.  But as I read the story of this family struggling for life the thought came to me that my girls can dance. That no matter what our trials may seem at the moment, their bodies can move and respond to music and tempos. They can smile and convey their happiness as well as sadness.  All of us in our family can.  And no matter what happens over the next while for us, we have much to be grateful for.

Christmas Preparations

Chris is out of town this weekend.  When we were discussing this trip I told him that would be fine BUT that meant we had to get our tree the Saturday after Thanksgiving and get all the Christmas stuff out of the attic. He was good with that so we got on our boots and grabbed a saw and headed out to Mannings in Hillsboro to get ourselves a tree.  What a gorgeous day we had. The previous night had rained and rained but Saturday was blue skies and sunny. Not warm by any means, just sunny.  We finally chose a tree, got it home and up and then Chris helped me rearrange the living room. It is nice and roomy in there now.  Then, on Sunday decorated our tree during our annual decorating party.  We played Christmas music, ate yummy food and decorated the tree.  Here is this years menu:

2 kinds of salami

Vintage whiteTillamook cheddar
Sushi
Cocktail Meatballs

Harry and David pepper relish cream cheese spread

Artichoke Spinach Dip

Hidden Valley Buttermilk Dressing

Celery

Carrots

Grapes

Apples

2 kinds of crackers

All of the dips and dressings were homemade and this was our dinner. It was fun.

I am looking forward to Christmas this year.  I love to create things and one of the things I'm going to attempt for my nephew this year is a Matchbox Car Cozy.  A thing to put his cars in and play with (it has a road on it too) and then roll it up so he can take it with him places.  I'll take pictures of it and let you know how it turns out.

Peace out,

Darilyn

Running my 5K

I could feel the tears in my eyes when I ran around the corner and saw the finish line. That sign meant I had accomplished running a 5k. Me, Darilyn, the one that would fake asthma attacks in jr. high and high school in order to get out of running. As I focused on the finish line ahead I also wondered about the people around me. Just as they had no idea what my story was, I wondered what their's were. Did they have a similar goal like mine?  I ran the whole way and didn't stop.  Chris, Emma and Heidi also completed it, walking about halfway and still finished before me. That was fine, I know I'm slow.  Now my goal is to increase my pace.  I'm looking for another 5K to do in the next month or so and will run it faster this time.  I am so grateful for Chris and his support in this goal of mine. He has gotten up with me mostly every day at 4:45 to go to the gym even though it's been really hard on him. i love him for it.

Thanksgiving

THANKSGIVING

This year we had an early Thanksgiving dinner with Chris' family in Harrisburg and then went to the Turkey Stuffer the next morning.  Then we drove the back roads from Springfield to Sweet Home.  It was a nice drive and a much needed time with family for me.  When I arrived at the church I was greeted with hugs and congratulations (for my 5k) and smiles. I needed that. I had felt miserable about life the previous two weeks and needed that pick me up. We had family come to dinner in Sweet Home that we had not seen in quite some time and it was so great to see everyone.  After dinner and games at the church Kathy (my cousin) invited us to stay over at her house.  We went to bed at midnight after talking forever and then at 3 a.m. my cousin Reagran, my daughter Emma and myself went Black Friday shopping. We got some good deals on things we had been planning on purchasing this Christmas so it was worth the early morning.

Annie, Get Your Gun

ANNIE GET YOUR GUN

It's over. Whew. That was an experience that is difficult to put into words for me. The play was incredible to be sure. The comment from my non-member friend who came was that we could pick up our play and perform it at the Newmark Theater downtown today. We looked like professional actors. We had a lot of talent for sure. And the leading lady, Miss Ashley, was so amazing. I'm so proud of her. And I'm proud of myself for sticking it out. Many times in the past 10 years since we have lived here in Beaverton I have felt that I am underused and underappreciated for those things that I have to offer.  This was one of those times.  I also felt singled out because I was one of those few women who were a bit larger.  And that made me sad and gave me a complex about myself. It's my own fault for letting it get to me, I do know that.  A castmember in the play told me that I wasn't saying my one, 3-word line correctly. I played Queen Victoria. An older portly woman at the time of Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show.  I had to wonder if the director of our play really thought I was that old. The last two weeks of the play left me feeling very depressed.  It's been a feeling that has been hard for me to shake, even now that it's over. 

Splinters, Barley & Cheerleading

I find it so interesting that all of my girls can be so different yet they all reflect some qualities of their dear mom, me.  Take for example my oldest daughter.  She has a weak stomach for medical aparatus that gets stuck in her. Immunizations, needles, getting her ears pierced (well, okay, so that's not medical), none of it flies with her.  This morning she came to me complaining about a splinter.  She was whining about how much it hurt. I look at her finger and see this barely visible speck of brown. To her you'd think it was a national emergency though. I tell her to get me a needle and some tweezers and she bravely does so.  We go into the kitchen to get some good light and I start to flick off the first layer of skin. You know what I'm talking about, we've all done it. There is no blood and just a flap of skin where you can then reach the splinter. I am not able to get it out so I just tell her that it will probably start to work itself out during the day.  She is breathing kind of heavy by this time, I'm thinking she is being dramatic.  But low and behold she turns around, stumbles toward the fridge, clutches it and collapses on the brown 70s vinyl that is our kitchen floor.  She passed out!  I was reminded of my own passing out in hospitals where I have to see tubes going in people.  Or of my passing out when i have blood drawn. I always warn them and they NEVER believe me. Suckers. They have to pick me up off of the floor when I do. There was even the time I got my ears pierced. And there is a reason why my 16 year-old does not have pierced ears. Yep, she suffers from the same disease I do.

As for my middle child, last night we discovered she loved barley. Yep, barley. The grain that is nutty and chewy and is often found in things like Beef & Barley soup.  I made some of this stuff, Beef & Barley soup, and my oldest said the barley was "weird". Shock, hurt, disappointment was what I felt. I LOVE barley, loved it since I was a kid. When other kids were begging for Chicken and Stars from the Campbell's aisle I was praising Chicken Gumbo and Beef & Barley, they are still my favorites. But then there was Emma last night. She declared it good, saying that she really liked the texture of the barley and had herself a second helping. Just like her momma!

And what about my youngest?  What is it about her that reflects oneness with me?  Cheerleading is one and cooking is another.  This was her 4th year of cheer and she wants to keep going all through high school.  She is getting really good and by the time she is in high school she will have surpassed my abilities as a cheerleader. She loves stunting and has the same role I did as a stunter. She loves to get the crowd involved and loves being around the football players. Lord, help me with that one, okay?  And her cooking skills are impressive for being 10. She can make anything with a recipe, knowing how to follow it and without making mistakes. I could do the same thing at her age. I have thought about getting her involved in a cooking 4-H club, like I did.  I think she would really enjoy it. 

It's kind of cool to see your children grow up and to see how different or alike they are from you and your husband, pretty cool indeed. 

Halloween Dinner

It's a bummer that Halloween is on a Sunday this year.  That means no trick-or-treating for the May household because of a thing called "keeping the Sabbath day holy."  At least that will be our interpretation of it.  We will still pass out treats to kids that come knocking on our door.  We may even make it really fun and blast some spooky music through an open front window.  Oh, I know, we could blare some Motab music through the window to make it truly a Sabbath Day occasion.  Ha, that would be hilarious. I crack myself up.

But anyway, my kids have been asking me if we are going to do anything "fun" on Halloween.  I guess for some reason they don't want the usual Family Home Evening lesson of repentance or forgiveness or not borrowing their sister's things.  So I decided to plan something fun for dinner.  I don't usually do this because we are usually crunched for time on Halloween between the kids getting home from school, getting costumes on, eating dinner and getting to our destination for loading up on sugary treats.  But Sunday is different, we don't have the usual planned.  I'm beginning to think that this "bummer" Halloween is going to feel kind of special this year.


This is what I came up with.

For an appetizer:

Mr. Veggie Bones

For the Main Dish:

Mummy Dogs

One roll of biscuit dough will cover one 8-pack of hotdogs.

Mustard for the eyes.

For 

Dessert

Boo Jell-O Cups

3/4 cup boiling water
1 pkg. (3 oz.) JELL-O Orange Flavor Gelatin
2 cups ice cubes
2/3 cup thawed COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, divided
8 miniature semi-sweet chocolate chips

ADD boiling water to gelatin mix in large bowl; stir 2 min. until completely dissolved. Add ice; stir 3 to 5 min. or until gelatin is thickened. Remove any unmelted ice. Whisk in 1/3 cup COOL WHIP until well blended. Pour into 4 dessert dishes. REFRIGERATE 30 min. or until firm. DROP remaining COOL WHIP by spoonfuls onto desserts to resemble ghosts. Add chocolate chips for the eyes.

Reading, Writing and Sex Education

To this.

From this........

 When my children were younger I was involved in their schools doing things like teaching art, cutting, correcting papers and planning holiday parties.  I am realizing that those days are over.  In the past 2 months since school has been back in session I have dealt with more major issues than correcting an addition timed test.  I have dealt with trying to get one of my daughters to be able to take a district wide test over again.  The classroom management was poor during her test and she was unable to do her best for this reason.  This test happens to determine a few things for her as a 5th grader and I feel her testing conditions were unfair.  Then there is middle school sex education.  Yes, that topic. Well, after our then 6th grader sat through this unit in school last year she came home asking all sorts of questions.  I am not one to shy away from a good question but these questions were highly inappropriate.  I asked her why she would even be talking about these things.  Her reply was that they have a secret box where you can write any question down and the teacher will go through and read the question and answer it.  Wonderful, (not really). So now this girl of mine is in 7th grade and her health unit is starting next week. I wrote an email to her teacher letting her know that she would not be participating in this unit and what alternative assignments would she have.  When I saw the requirements for the 2 projects Emma would have during the 3-day period I was shocked.  She will only be missing class for 3 days and the kids in the class will not have any projects.  So I ask you this, is it fair for my daughter to have 2 pretty lengthy projects in place of sitting in class where the others will have nothing?  I think not!  So onward goes the emails until we reach a resolution.

To add on top of this is the recent National attention our school district has been getting over a claim that we fired a student teacher because they were gay. I think the whole thing is ridiculous.  One of my best friends is on the school board and I have seen first-hand what this has done to her.  She can't sleep at night, worrying about our schools.  She cares, which is why she is there. And it really shocks me to see that most of the people on that school board are only there for political reasons.  That is my opinion.  It seems that the schools have become this thing to manipulate for political agendas. The media twists stories to meet their own agendas and what happens is that innocent people end up getting hurt from it.

I used to think cutting and gluing was boring but I'll take it over all of this. I am seriously shocked at how involved I have to be in my child's education.  Gone are the days of our parents when they shipped us off on the bus to school with nary a thought. We need to be proactive in every way and watching what is going on.

End of rant.

Do You Care For Tea?

 Mad Hatter: "Do you care for tea?

Alice:  "Why, yes.  I'm very fond of tea."

The cooler weather has descended upon us and I start drinking tea a lot more. Three out of the five us in our family love tea. We drink it almost daily. I have discovered a new favorite that I've got to share with you.

Good Earth Original herb tea.

Man this stuff is good. You've got to try it.  I love sweets and I almost always add a tiny bit of sugar to my tea. But not this one. (well, actually I do. keep reading.) The blend of cinnamon and other spices creates this remarkable tea that is not too spicy as in "whoa, hold off on the chili powder" and it's not too sweet. I love Oregon Chai Tea. But it has become increasingly difficult to find their herbal blend. I don't have to look any further.  I plop my Good Earth tea bag in a steaming mug of hot water and let it steep for several minutes so that it gets really strong. I like strong tea. Then I add a splash of vanilla flavored coffee creamer (this has the sugar). Oh my, delish! You have created your own spicy chai tea to enjoy. It's so good and now we are going through the boxes of these like crazy because all three of us tea drinkers are having at least one mug of it a day. Each tea bag comes with a little inspirational quote to enlighten your day. Doesn't that make you feel good?

But the best part?  It's herbal!

Good Earth, I love you.

Tom Kah Gai

I love Tom Kah Gai.  I remember the first time I had this soup. My dad had just returned from his first trip to Thailand and had taken us to a Thai restaurant.  He ordered all the food and we watched in anticipation as heaping bowls of steamed rice, succulent cooked meats and crisp vegetables were placed in the middle of the table.  But first, there was the Tom Kah Gai.  It came in a large metal bowl with a burner underneath it to keep it warm. There were mushrooms floating in it. That's all I recognized.  The rest was a mystery. But when I took that first bite, I WAS IN LOVE.  The creaminess mixed with sweet and sour was a melody to my tongue. I want to eat some right now just thinking about it.  

What turned into a one-time trip turned into a yearly affair for him.  Thailand is as much a part of his life as the U.S. is. He ended up meeting a nice Thai lady where he lives in Washington and they have since married.  Having Ladda as a part of our family has been wonderful. She is loving, giving, down to earth and she knows how to COOK. So one of the first things I did when I met her was ask her to teach me how to make my favorite soup.  

First you will need a couple of stalks of lemongrass, some Thai basil and some Galangal root. Check to see if you have a Thai or Vietnamese market near you.  You will find great prices and the ingredients you want.  

 

Peel the outer layer of the lemongrass off and then cut the lemongrass into 1 inch pieces. Peel your galangal root and cut into thin pieces. Get a large pan and over a medium high heat put your 3 cans of coconut milk and 2 cans of water in.  Add your Tom Yum Paste.  

Here is what a heaping spoonful should look like more or less.  We were all laughing hysterically because it really looks like something else, huh? 

Whisk the tom yum paste and the coconut milk together until well combined. Now add your lemongrass, galangal root and your chicken. Don't freak out that the chicken is raw. It's just the way you do it.   Simmer it until chicken is done.  While the chicken is cooking cut up some mushrooms and onion.  

When the chicken is done, add them to the pot.

Cook for a few more minutes then add your Thai Basil. It's done. Wasn't that easy? 

I like eating my Tom Kah Gai with rice, Jasmine rice is my preference and the one that all Thai people eat.  So get yourself a bowl and put a heaping spoonful of steamed rice in the bottom of it.

Then ladle your soup over the top. 


Yum.




Tom Kah Gai
(Coconut Lemongrass Soup)

3 cans coconut milk

water

2 cups chopped uncooked chicken
2 stalk of lemon grass
1 3-inch piece of galangal root
Thai Basil (has purple stem)
2 heaping spoonfuls of Tom Yum Paste
2 cups sliced mushrooms

 1 small onion or half large

Pull the fiberous part off the outside of the lemongrass stalk then cut the stalk into 1 inch lengths.  Peel your galangal root and and slice into thin pieces.  Pull about 10 basil leaves off and set aside.

In a large saucepan over medium high heat add your coconut milk and Tom Yum Paste.  Whisk to combine.  Then use two of the cans and fill them with water and add to the pot.  Next, put your lemongrass, Galangal Root and Chicken and simmer until chicken is done.  When chicken is done add your sliced mushrooms and onion and cook for about four or five minutes.  Add your Thai basil at the very end and serve.  Very good served over steamed Jasmine Rice as well.

Why I blog

Through blogging I have learned that I am not a freakish sort of person.  My husband, at times, would like me to believe that I am.  I do things like starting a sentence and just stopping midway through.  Which results in him saying, "yes?" "Continue."  It frustrates him that I do this to him and to our girls.  But I have learned through blogging that I am not alone in this. 

Or there is the feeling of self-doubt that creeps up on me, making me feel that I am not as loved as others, even sending me in to a depression.  But, through reading blogs like this one, I have learned that I am unique. That just because I may not be invited to go camping with a group of friends does not mean I don't have something to offer in this world in the way of friendship.

And then there is the topic of housecleaning. Oh, I hate that word. It is something that I'm not really good at.  Always trying to be better and trying to not pass on the same dislike to my children.  Do you know how crazy it makes me to walk into all of my friend's homes and see them looking so good?  I rejoice when I see that they need to clean their toilets. How terrible is that?  But we all like to know that we are not alone.  So when I read this post from my friend Amanda I honestly understood her thoughts and smiled in the fact that I was not alone.

Our church is doing "Annie, Get Your Gun." Emma wanted to audition for it so before she did we rented the movie and watched it together. As I was watching the movie my eyes were glued to the t.v. set like I was watching a train wreck. I sat there in shock as I watched this musical glorify the cowboys killing the Indians.  Moreover, it made women look as if they had to downplay their skills in life in order to pad their man's ego.  I was a little surprised that our Stake had chosen this as a play. I took Emma to the audition anyway and while I was there a good friend tried to talk me into trying out myself. I squirmed at her invitation. How could I be part of a play that I saw as completely morally degrading and wrong?  Finally, after hesitating and making a million excuses to her I simply said what I was feeling.  I told her my thoughts and she shared with me, hers.  She later blogged about it.  I loved reading that blog. 

In short, what I'm trying to say is that blogging has helped me see that the things that I think make me different or the shortcomings I have are shared by many other people out there.  I am not a freak who suddenly stops mid-sentence.  Well, maybe I am, but I'm not the only one.  And instead of feeling bad about these things I think that we should be happy that they make us who we are. So keep on blogging all of you.  You know who you are. I love it, it helps me see my world through new eyes and to experience a feeling of relief when I find out that I'm not alone.

Opening the windows of heaven

The following was written by me last October after my stepfather passed away.  I never posted it at the time because I didn't feel like sharing it.  In reflection over the past year I decided now was a good time.

There are many things I want to say about the past couple weeks and it's difficult to know what to choose to write about. There are things that I'm feeling that I have not shared with anyone. Do I open up on the worldwide web and put it all here? I have learned about myself these past two weeks that I'm not as open a person as I thought I was. I have kept it all inside. Now, before you start worrying about me, don't. I am okay. As with any life changing event, like a death of a close family member, you tend to learn things. These things you learn can be good or bad. And the things you learn about yourself in the process are the most interesting.

I learned that I am okay with death when it is someone old. As in older than me. After having all my grandparents pass away and now my step father I can say this seems to be true. I shed many more tears over a young man in our ward who drowned in the ocean than I did over my own father's death. I barely knew this young man but I cried for weeks when it happened.

I learned that my spirit is stronger than I knew. The day after Ben died there were several times that I felt him near. I knew it but didn't say anything to my mom or Krista because I felt dumb. Felt dumb? There was no way to explain what I felt so I just didn't say anything. Plus, I didn't want to make my mom cry anymore than she already was. What I was feeling was confirmed to me that night as a good friend of my mom and Ben's said that as he neared our home he felt the spirit really strongly and knew that Ben was there. Two days after he died I had to leave and go home to Portland to get my family packed for the funeral. I felt sad, withdrawn and lonely and realized that my spirit was feeling a let down from not feeling the presence of other spirits so intently. It was an interesting experience.

I learned that I feel cheated. As I learned many different aspects of his life and saw the outpouring of love from ward members, co-workers, family and friends I felt like it wasn't fair. I saw my girls standing there at the funeral and knew that they had very few fun, positive memories of their grandpa Ben. The children in the ward loved him, he would give them candy every Sunday. They would sit on his knee and he would smile and talk with them. He didn't do that with my girls. But maybe I am the reason for that. And for that, I'm sorry. I may have changed the course of a relationship without even meaning to.

That is what I wrote a year ago. 

As for now, life is good.  Mom is doing well, she is happy and feeling fulfilled i believe.  On Tuesday night I was laying in bed and someone whispered in my ear to go to Coos Bay.  I believe it was Ben.  I haven't felt his presence since I was in Ukraine and near his family.  I went to Coos Bay and spent a couple of days with my mom. 

It's nice to know he's still watching over her.  I know she feels it as well. And I'm thankful for the things I've learned about myself. 

Each morning when the sun comes up

I've been getting up at 4:45 a.m. for 5 weeks now to go to the gym.  Does that make it a habit yet?

I am on week 5 of my Couch to 5k training program and I don't look like the lady runner above. For one thing, when I run, I think my feet are barely leaving the ground.  My husband reminded me the other day that I don't need to run, I can just jog.  I looked at him like "what's the difference?"  My jog is my run and my run is my jog.  It's all the same in my book.  I have 2 speeds.  I have my walking speed and my running speed.

She makes it look effortless, with the birds in the background it gives her an appearance of flying, that she is light as one of them birds.  I, on the other hand feel all 200 + pounds of me every time a foot hits the tread on that treadmill.  It's not easy.

And let's take a look at her attire.  If I wore something like that the people at the gym would probably assume that I was part of The Biggest Loser. We've seen what they have to wear for those weigh-ins.  They are brave. That's what I have to say about that. 

Despite the comparisons, I am feeling great about my accomplishments over the past 5 weeks.  I have done this program before but never got to the point where I could actually run 3 miles without stopping.  This time I am doing the program for distance not time and I think it is making a difference.   Earlier this week I had to run a half mile without stopping.  I had to do that three times with a 1/4 mile walk in-between.  I couldn't finish the last 1/2 mile.  It was so hard, I almost made it but my legs hurt so badly.  Today I did it again and I completed it!  I felt a lot stronger today.  I have increased my weights since I started five weeks ago as well. 

So I may not look like the runner above but we do have one thing in common; we like to run when the sun is coming up.

I hope there are others of you out there preparing for your Thanksgiving 5k.  I want to hear about it, what are you doing to get ready?  Maybe you are already ready.  Then tell me what 5k you are going to do.  And if you are not going to do a 5k, that's okay.  Just tell me what you are doing for Thanksgiving.  Where will you be spending it?

The Lower Lights

Have you heard of them?

The Lower Lights?

I just did. And it was very moving.

He says in this clip that people want to hear hymns in a way that they haven't been able to before.

That resonated with me, a whole lot.

About 7 years ago a young lady that had recently been baptized in our ward played the piano and sang a hymn in sacrament meeting.  She didn't sing it in a traditional way though.  She had changed the arrangement and her voice was smooth and sweet with an edge of bluegrass.  I got a prickly feeling on my arms listening to her.  The same feeling I got just now when I watched this video.

The Lower Lights // A Hymn Revival from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.

Fall

Today is the first day of fall.

I had a feeling it was because when I stepped out of my house at 5 a.m. it felt shivery and I didn't have a coat on

So when I was at the gym and the tv news person said it was fall, i thought, yep, it is.

Fall makes me think of things like

Pumpkins on my front porch

Leaves changing colors

Caramel apples

Football games

Thanksgiving

Sweaters

Wassail

Hershey Kisses in 

brown

gold 

& 

orange

This has me excited today

Our toaster oven died.  boo hoo.  We are a toaster oven family. They are so much more versatile then just your average toaster.  So I was looking online for a replacement and I saw this.  Isn't it cool?  I mean who doesn't want to be able to cook your eggs and toast at the same time?  So easy for kids too.

I lurve it.