Trust, Hope & Love

I have felt a lot of sadness over the past several days.  An ache in my heart that I am trying to erase with the power of hope.  It's difficult when you feel that you are at a loss to know what to do for a child.  Have there been prayers? Yes, many.  Have there been professional appointments?  Yes, those too.  Have we tried reasoning?  You bet, until we feel like we are running in circles with our words.  Have we tried punishment?  Yes.  Have we tried a reward system? Sure, I thought that was working only to find out....nope.

I have been trying really hard over the past few months to put my trust in God.  To not rely on the strength of my own arms too much.  I have a tendency to do that and I realized that by not trusting in God I was missing out on some of the signs and answers he was giving me.  So i've been trusting more.  I have to wonder though if I was missing the point, did I "trust" too much and not do enough on my own?  Or is this just a trial and I need to keep trusting in God that all will be well?

When I am consumed with my own thoughts I have a difficult time reaching out to others.  Today is the last day of the month and in LDS terms that means your Visiting Teaching needs to be done.  One visit per month to the sisters you are assigned.  Not difficult, and something I love.  But it's been hard for me this month to get out of the house and go.  But I need to and that's why I am going this morning.  It will be an impromptu "hello" with a treat.  Not much but hopefully they will at least know that I love them.

And so I guess that's what I need to do for my children as well.  Let them know more that I love them.  I told a friend a couple of weeks ago that the most important thing in life is not what college our kids get into or how successful they are as adults but that they learn what they need in order to return to live with their Father in Heaven.  And I believe this.  So for now, I'm going to keep on Hoping and Trusting and Loving.

16, NF, EH, 4pump

Confused?  

That's my recipe for the best Butter Rum Steamer.

Let me translate:

16 oz, Nonfat, Extra Hot, 4 pumps syrup, Butter Rum Steamer

That's exactly how I order it.  There is typically 8 pumps of syrup in the 16 oz but it still tastes great with 4 and makes me feel very health conscious. I'm oh-so-very health conscious.

Oh, and notice that stack of VHS tapes behind me?  

Chris says I can finally get rid of them.

And 

The VCR that plays them.

This is a sign that it is indeed the 21st Century.

p.s. if you want to make the steamer at home, you can.  Steam your milk in a pan (just BEFORE boiling point) then add your flavored Torani syrup. I go *glug* *glug* with my syrup to get the right amount. Got it?

Escape to California

 Earlier this month Heidi took a trip with Chris to California to visit Aunt Sue. Heidi gets her middle name from Aunt Sue and also was very excited about getting to fly in an airplane.  She loved her plane ride and also her visit to California.  Aunt Sue got her and Heidi VIP passes to Universal Studios and they were treated like royalty according to Heidi.  They had a personal escort that led them to each ride where they got to cut to the front of the line and get the pick of any seat they wanted.  They also got special backstage tours where other guests do not typically get to go.  Heidi said, "we got to see a TV show being filmed."  To which I replied, "really, which one?"  "Oh, some show I hadn't heard of, Desperate Housewives."  Ha! It made me wonder who she saw but she couldn't tell me because she had no idea who these people were.  That cracked me up.

They also got fed breakfast and lunch and for dinner they had a personal chef come out and tell them to ignore the main menu and that he would fix them whatever they wanted.  What did Heidi order?  Yep, Macaroni and Cheese.  But, she said it was the "best macaroni and cheese EVER."  All in all it was a kids dream day. Something that I have never experienced and probably never will.  Thanks Aunt Sue!

Later in February it will be Emma's turn to go to California with her dad and they will be going to Magic Mountain.  Emma is a thrill seeker roller coaster lover and if you like that kind of stuff then Magic Mountain is the place to go.  Did you know that by the end of this year they will have the most roller coasters in the world?  They are building three this year just to get that coveted title back.  And one of them, The Green Lantern, looks like it would kill you.  No Thank you.  But poor Emma is sad that it won't be done by the time she goes.  I, on the other hand am happy that I will still have a middle daughter when the trip is over.  Because by looking at that thing, i have my doubts.

What do you think?

I ♥ YouTube

I have wanted to learn how to crochet for years.  In fact, it's on my list of 50 things.  But it seems that no matter how much I have tried, i end up failing miserably.  I will do fine for a few moments and then have to have help of the person teaching me.  And then, just when I think i've "got it" I try to do it on my own and it ends up looking like something the cat got a hold of.  And it's not just once I have tried, I have tried several times.  I think I have had 4 lessons over the past five years or so.  

On Saturday I was perusing some magazines to get some ideas for Valentine's Day.  I came across some crochet hearts that I had seen before and loved so much I tore them out to save.  Oh, I really wanted to make those hearts, if only I knew how to crochet.  Darn that crocheting! 

But then I had a thought, I wonder if there is a "Crochet for Dummies" out there on the internet.  So I googled just that, "Crochet for Dummies" and it led me to a tutorial on YouTube by Bethintx1.  She is amazing.  It's like I have a new friend.  It's kind of weird that she doesn't know me because I feel like she knows me really well.  She is so sweet and patient with me!  I was so excited about the prospects that I grabbed a skein of yarn and my crochet hook, put my headphones on and sat transfixed as she taught me how to crochet.  And the beauty of it is that I can rewind as much as I want and to just the part I need to see again.  Nobody has to sit with me and explain it over and over and over again.  The first thing she has you make is a scarf.  And in making the scarf you do different types of stitches in hopes that by the time you are done you will have a good overall basic knowledge of crocheting.  I am loving it.  I would show you what I've done so far but I will save that for the when I am done. 

I may get #34 on my list crossed off after all!

The Sun Has Been Out Today......

And it is lifting my soul.

It's My Birthday and I'll fly if I want to......

 Me, on my 41st birthday

I was singing this on our way to the airport last Friday.  It goes to the tune of "it's my party and I'll cry if I want to."  But before I get to that, I know that some of you are just dying to know if I got everything on my to-do list done.  

Drumroll, please...........

No.

But before you all get sad and bummed out for me I need to let you know that I got everything done (including the pedicure, yay me!) except for the Diet Coke from Sonic.  That wasn't good for me anyway, right?  So it's like it turned out even better. 

So i got all the stuff on my list done by 12:30 a.m. the following day. And then I went to bed.
\
And then I woke up 3 1/2 hours later to shower and get ready for my flight to Las Vegas. I mean, normally i'd skip the shower and say, "who cares" but it was my birthday after all and a girl needs to look h-o-t on her birthday, right?  Yep!

When we arrived at my friend Sarah's house at 5:15 in the morning i was all giddiness.  School girl, giddy. I just get that way when i'm going to fly on a plane.  Seriously, it was the best birthday ever all because of the plane ride.  Well, and the fact that I was going somewhere about 20 degrees warmer and i was seeing friends and that I would probably get to see a fake Elvis. 

I did see a fake Elvis. 

And I also saw the Hoover Dam, at sunset which was even more awe inspiring and beautiful than normal. 

 Making a wish while throwing our coins over the side on the Nevada/Arizona border

And I saw two Chihuly glass sculptures.  Amazing!!!!

Chihuly glass ceiling at the Bellagio

I ate at Cafe Rio.....twice and in doing so filled up my frequent diner card so that the next time I go I will get a free Pork Salad.  It's taken me three years to fill that card. Not bad considering the closest one is 10 hours away.

Sarah, outside of Cafe Rio

I went to Freed's Bakery, a Las Vegas legend.  I got a slice of the wedding cake and some assorted cookies.  The cake is as good as Rachael Ray claims it is. 

 

 Wedding Cake is upper right-hand corner

I had a bite of my sister's cheesecake (middle left) and I think it was the best cheesecake I've ever had.

For dinner one night we went to Serendipity 3 and although my barbecue chicken pizza was tasty, it couldn't compare to the icy goodness of their signature treat, the Frozen Hot Chocolate.  Wow!......

I have a cousin that lives in Vegas and so a visit with her was imperative.  And since my sister was with me as well it was really fun for the three of us to laugh over stories from growing up.  I didn't remember that I had shown my young cousins such scary movies as "Nightmare on Elm Street" that apparently gave them nightmares for years after. Sorry, Alisa.

Oh, and my favorite meal you ask?  "Olives" in the Bellagio.  It was the one place we ate at that wasn't planned.  We got off the plane on Friday and we were hungry so we looked up some places to go on Krista's iPhone and this place looked promising.  It didn't disappoint any of us, it was a sensory experience for our taste buds. I really wish I would have taken pictures of the food but we ate it all up so fast there wasn't time.  We sat on the balcony and it felt like we were in an italian cafe.  They did some testing of the water show while we were seated which was really cool.

And speaking of the Bellagio, that is one amazing hotel and casino.  We are talking high class, gorgeous, shiny, and amazing deals in the gift shop!  I bought Adidas exercise clothes there for cheap. I guess plus size women don't go to the Bellagio to exercise.  There is also the world's largest chocolate fountain, the botanical garden, the Chihuly glass sculptures, the water show in front of the hotel and people watching.  And this is all the stuff you can do for free. 

Chinese New Year - Year of the Rabbit at the Bellagio Botanical garden

And no, I did not leave Las Vegas without gambling.  I spent a whole dollar at the Flamingo playing penny slots. Did you know Donny and Marie have a show there?  And then when I was at the airport flying home I spent $2 more playing "Wheel of Fortune" slots.  I'm a big spender!

Tiffanie hosted us and was so generous in driving us everywhere and supplying Diet Coke for Krista and I.  If it weren't for her we wouldn't have had this amazing weekend.  I can't wait to go back!

The Daily List

My oatmeal this morning at South Store Cafe


My computer is slow today. I hope that's not an indication of how the day will go because i have a list a mile long.  I need to work speedily and I need things to get done.  

I love a good list.  I am a list maker, I make one sometimes two lists everyday.

Today, my list looks like this.

in no particular order

Dump all the garbage from the garbage cans inside the house

Sign Emma's immunization form

Sign Heidi's school project form

Finish packing for Vegas
Print boarding pass

Read a conference talk

Go grocery shopping

Find my Croc flip-flops (see finish packing for Vegas above) 

Work

Buy a baby gift

Teach Art Literacy
Go to breakfast with Chris
Go to Aveda store with Krista (to get my birthday present!)
Pedicure?
Vacuum
Unload dishwasher and load it back up
put money in girl's lunch accounts
Get silver dollars at the bank
Write email for Activity Day

Get a Diet Coke at Sonic!!!

Baby, it's cold outside.

It's cold today in Portland.  Really cold.  I mean if you live in Alaska you may not think it's cold but when I was folding laundry in the garage this morning my fingers went numb. That is cold.  It was time to drive my youngest the one block to school.  (Yeah, I know, she could walk but that is another story for another time.)  I threw on some crocs and grabbed my keys like I typically do.  As I opened the door and stepped outside the cold hit me and I groaned that I had not put my coat on. At least I don't have to defrost the car was my thought.  Think positive right?  I got in the car, started it up and then waited for Heidi to join me.  As she opened the side van door another burst of cold came in and I asked her in the midst of it if she had remembered her lunch box.  "Uh, no."  Why can't they remember their lunches?  So in a huffy state that all mothers know I told her to go get it.  But as I said that I remembered that the door was locked and the garage door was still not fixed.  That meant that the key in the ignition of the car would be needed.  The key to the lifeline of warmth, the heater.  I turned the key into the off position and hurriedly got out of the car to get her lunch myself. 

When I entered the house a blast of warmth hit me and I was immediately glad for it.  I couldn't help think of a recent conversation with someone that told me that she keeps her house at 56 degrees.  I remember thinking that I had heard her wrong.  "You mean 65?"  "No, 56."  I paused for one second and blurted out, "why?"  Normally I would filter my thoughts before speaking but I was so overcome by shock.  She told me her reasons and then she asked me what temperature we keep our furnace at.  "Well, this year we turned it down to 69" I said with a smile.  "Would you like to come over?" 

Heidi made it to school and we laughed at the kid standing outside directing traffic with his shorts and sweatshirt and lips turning blue.  Heidi said that he always wears shorts. His poor mom, I thought. I bet she tried to get him to wear some pants today.

And as I returned home and opened my door to feel the blast of heat in my home I went straight to my phone to invite my friend over.  After all, it's 69 here, it's practically the tropics.

What temperature do you keep your house at?

A lot of light in this house

 
The drive down I-5 to Eugene yesterday was a bit lonely since one of my girls was mad at me and the other one was 'plugged ' into her iPod.  So as my ears took in the tunes of Mindy Gledhill my mind thought about why I was making this drive.  I was on my way to my in-laws, Chris' parent's home, to celebrate birthdays and Christmas with three of his siblings, their families and his parents.  But something important was missing....Chris.  He forgot about this family gathering when he bought his plane ticket to L.A.  But family is important and I knew that it would be great to take Makenzie and Emma down there anyway so I had decided to go.  But then teenager things happened, like a dance practice that wanted to be attended at 4 o'clock on Saturday afternoon.

"Sorry, you can't go." 
"Why?"
"Because we are going to Nana's and Grandpa's house."
"Can't I drive myself down to their house after practice?"
"No, we are not driving two cars down to Eugene."
"But I already told them I could practice."
"Well, tell them you made a mistake and that you can't."

Then the silence ensued, the silence you get when a teenager isn't happy with your response.

But I knew I was right.

Family is important.

And as I drove home today along I-5, this time with the Motab in the background, my eldest daughter and I talked most of the two hour trip home.  Family has a healing effect, it's amazing what the teasing of a beloved uncle can do for the teenage mind.  We had a wonderful time spent with family. My family. After 18 years they become that, they become something that you can claim.
 
I got to love all over my two nieces, Luna and Celeste. 

I got to play games with my brother and sister-in-law. 

I shared lemon cake with my mother-in-law and oohed and ahhhed over their new home being built. 

I talked in length with another brother-in-law about an upcoming international job fair he will be attending and what that will mean for he and Sarah and babies. 

I laughed with Ross, Nora, Emma and Makenzie as we barricaded a Box Elder Bug inside a city we created in the game we were playing.  And laughed even further when my sister-in-law told me the story of her sister staying on Mt. Tom and the "bird" that was flying around in her bedroom at night.  All of us that have been in the family for any amount of time know that "bird" is code for B-A-T.

When the games were put away and we let our tired selves retire to bed, Makenzie and Emma and I went downstairs in search of the right light switch to light up the bathroom. 

"Why are there so many light switches?"  Emma asked.

 "Because there is a little bit of crazy and a whole lot of light in this house."

Heidi is gone to Cali

Heidi in the airport waiting for her flight to California. Her very first airplane ride (that she can remember).

My youngest went with her dad to California riding on a jet airplane.  Chris has been away from me lots of time in the past.  Most recently he has taken a few trips over the past couple months down to California to help his aunt out with some projects.  His aunt wanted to pay for each of the girls to take a trip down there as well.  Individually so she could give them undivided attention and buy all of their favorite foods.  Seriously, you'd think Heidi was going for a month with all the food Aunt Sue has told us she has bought. Every child in the neighborhood could feed for a week with the amount of hotdogs and macaroni and cheese she has bought.  So Heidi is gone and it is weird. It felt strange last night and it wasn't until this morning that I figured out it was because she is gone.  As I thought about it I realized that I have left my children to go on trips, always in the care of a trusted adult and sure, I miss them but since I am having new adventures and I know they are in their normal routine at home I don't have much time to dwell on it.  But this is the first time that I have been home and Heidi has been away.  Wait, that's not true.  Heidi has spent a week with Chris' mom before as well as time with my sister.   Okay, so what is it?  Seriously folks, as I'm typing I'm trying to figure this out.  Maybe because she is an entire State away?  Maybe because she is gone and Chris?  Huh, not sure.

I went to bed at 9:00 last night. There wasn't anything to do. I mean, there were things to do but it's not like I wanted to scrub the bathroom at 9 o'clock at night.  So, I decided to go to bed and see if some extra sleep would relieve the tension in my back I've been suffering with for the past two days.  It didn't. Darn. But, i had a good workout at the gym which means the extra sleep was good for something.  Oh, and the fact that Emma slept with me last night and as I made her tickle my back she talked and talked and talked and talked. That is not like Emma so I ate up her words with relish.  I listened very intently and made all the right comments back.  I think i'll have Makenzie sleep with me tonight and see what she says!

My focus on forgiveness

Everyone is gone.  Well, almost everyone.  Makenzie is sick in bed but she is quiet so it feels like everyone is gone.  Ahhhh.....I love the sound of silence.  Not all the time, but in the mornings when everyone leaves for school or work I feel like the quiet refuels me for yet another day.

This morning, in the quiet of my home, I am thinking about what I want to focus on for this year, 2011.  I have a few things that have been on my mind lately, all involving the word, Forgive.  My husband I were having a conversation recently about forgiveness and about seeing the best in people.  I realized it's a hard thing for me, this forgiveness stuff and I want to be better at it.  Then yesterday, my good friend, Brenda, taught a lesson at church about not finding fault and not gossiping.  It was really well done and there were lots of insights. The word that kept popping into my head the whole hour was Forgive.  I felt like all the things that were being said went back to that word.  There is no better exemplar of this than our Savior, Jesus Christ.  So this year will be the year that I read and finish (this time) Jesus The Christ by Talmage.  It's been on my list of 50 things right from the first day I started creating that list.  And now almost 10 years have gone by and I have yet to cross that off my list. Why?  I know the reason, it's not a "fun" read. I like fun things.  I read about half of this book while serving my mission for the LDS church in Brazil.  I learned so much while reading it and vowed to finish it when I got home.  That never happened. This will be the year. 

I was recently inspired by this post over at my friend Emily's blog. Fear. It is what stops us from creating our best lives and being our best selves.  Our Father in Heaven created us to have Joy and meant for us to use our talents to bring happiness into the lives of others, including ourselves.  So I encourage you to take a look at your life and see what it is that is holding you back from doing something that you desire.  Is it fear?  If so, take the first step to eradicate this feeling so that you make 2011 your best year ever.  Seriously folks, read Emily's blog post about her 2010, it will inspire you.

I hope to revisit the word "Forgive" each month on my blog, it will be titled "Forgive & Live."  Here is to a prosperous, healthy and forgiving year!

Oh, the possibilities. One girl's dreams for 2011.

I'm pretty excited about this upcoming year.  In my mind I've planned 6 trips, possibly 7.  How many will I actually take?  Well, at least one, because I have a plane ticket for that one already.  Who knows about the others.  But they are all possiblities and I'm all about possibilities.  This is my list for the upcoming year. 

1. Las Vegas
2. Rexburg (don't laugh) 
3. Santa Cruz, CA
4. Merida, Mexico
5. Germany/Ukraine
6. Los Angeles, CA

Pretty crazy list, huh?  They won't all be happening unless we win the lottery or something equally crazy.  I do know that #1 is happening for sure.

#2 will happen unless Makenzie's dance competition gets cancelled.

I'm planning on #3 and it seems feasible because Chris won't have to actually take any time off of work. We will need money for gas to get down there but once we are there it will be just groceries, which I would buy here anyway.  Our entertainment would be playing on the beach which would be free and we would have a place to stay. 

Ah, #4, that is supposed to be our "family vacation" this year.  We have a free place to stay (definite plus) but other than that we need some money to make that one happen.  We will see what the next couple of months bring.  We are hoping to make this one happen since it may be our last summer to do a family vacation before Makenzie goes off to college and she will have completed her third year of Spanish at the end of the school year.

  #5 is supposed to be a trip for Chris and I to a reunion in Germany and then a trip to Ukraine to see family.  The likelihood of Chris going is about 'nil.  He has High Adventure this summer and will need vacation days for that plus our trip to Mexico and that will take just about all of his vacation time.  So I will possibly go to Germany alone and then on to Ukraine or I won't go at all.

#6 is due to my thoughts of moving our family vacation time during the girl's winter break at Christmas.

Chris gets 4 days off between Christmas and New Years holidays and it would be a more efficient use of his time off.  The problem with going on a vacation then is that we will (hopefully) already have gone on one during the summer and thus, will have no money for a vacation.  But, since this list is all about my dreams and wishes and possibilities, it's on there.  

Do you want to go anywhere this year?  Tell me where.